Successful potty training for boys

You'll miss many things once your baby grows up, but changing dirty diapers probably won't be one of them. Still, it doesn't pay to be in a hurry: Teaching your son how to use the potty will require time and patience on your part, and a reasonable degree of cooperation and motivation on your son's.

The key to potty training success is starting only when your son is truly able to do so. While some kids can start as young as 18 months, others may not be prepared to learn until well into their fourth year. As you may already have discovered, boys tend to stay in diapers longer than girls, and second (or subsequent) children often learn faster than firstborns. There's no point in trying to get a head start; studies show that when parents begin potty training too soon, the process simply takes longer to complete. In other words, you arrive at your destination at the same time, no matter when you start. So the first thing to do is use our checklist to see whether your son is primed for potty training.

Once you've determined that your son is ready, focus on timing. Make sure your child's routine is well established; if he's just started at preschool or has a new sibling, he may be less receptive to change, or feel too overwhelmed to tackle this new challenge. Wait until he seems open to new ideas so you can potty train successfully. To train, follow these steps:

Let him watch and learn

Toddlers learn by imitation, and watching you use the bathroom is a natural first step. He may notice that Daddy uses the potty differently from Mommy, which opens up a great opportunity for you to explain the basic mechanics of how boys use the bathroom. When talking about body parts, it's important to be anatomically precise. Teaching him to call his penis a "pee-pee" when every other body part has a more adult-sounding name may imply that his genitals are embarrassing.

Buy the right equipment

Most experts advise buying a child-sized potty, which your toddler can claim for his own and which will also feel more secure to him than a full-size toilet. (Many toddlers fear falling into the toilet, and their anxiety can interfere with potty training.) If you prefer to buy an adapter seat for your regular toilet, make sure it feels comfy and secure and attaches firmly. If you go this route, you'll also need to provide your son with a stool, since it's important that he be able to maneuver his way on and off the potty easily any time he needs to go and to stabilize himself with his feet to push during bowel movements.

When buying a potty-chair for your son, look for one without a urine guard (or one you can remove). While they may protect your bathroom from a little stray pee, more often they tend to bump into and scrape a boy's penis when he sits down on the potty, potentially causing him to associate going to the bathroom with pain. Yikes!

You may also want to pick up a few picture books or videos for your son, which can make it easier for him to grasp all this new information. Everyone Poops, by Taro Gomi, is a perennial favorite, as is Uh, Oh! Gotta Go! and Once Upon a Potty, which even comes in a version with a doll and a miniature potty.

Help your child get comfortable with the potty

This early in the process, your child needs to get used to the idea of using the potty. Start by letting him know that the potty-chair is his very own; you can personalize it by writing his name on it or letting him decorate it with stickers. Then have him try sitting on it with his clothes on. After he's practiced this way for a week or so, you can suggest he try it with his pants down. If he seems at all resistant, avoid any temptation to pressure him. That will only set up a power struggle that could derail the entire process.

If your child has a favorite doll or stuffed animal, try using it for potty demonstrations. Most children enjoy watching their favorite toy go through the motions, and may learn more this way than from you telling them what to do. Some parents even construct a makeshift toilet for the doll or stuffed animal; while your child is perched on his chair, his favorite toy can be sitting on its own potty. For other tips on how to get started, click here.

Motivate with cool underwear

Get your son focused on the benefits of being potty trained by taking him on a special errand: buying underwear. Let him know that he gets to choose whatever kind he wants (superhero briefs or boxers, or ones emblazoned with other nifty designs). Talk up the outing ahead of time so he gets excited about being old enough to use the potty and wear "real" underwear just like his dad's or older brother's.

Set up a training schedule

Getting your toddler out of diapers will depend on your daily schedule and whether your son is in daycare or preschool. If he is, you'll want to coordinate your strategy with his daycare provider or teacher.

You'll have to decide whether to use the back-and-forth method of switching between diapers and underpants or the cold-turkey method of going to underwear full-time. While disposable training pants are convenient, many experts and parents find it's best to transition right into underwear or old-fashioned cotton training pants, both of which allow your son to feel immediately when he's wet. That, of course, will make it more likely that you'll be cleaning up some accidents. You'll have to decide what's best for you and your son; his pediatrician may recommend one or the other. For a while, at least, you'll want to continue using diapers or disposable pants at night and on long trips out and about. And your daycare provider or preschool teacher will have her own opinion on when to switch to underpants at school.

Teach him to sit first, then stand

Since bowel movements and urine often come at the same time, it makes sense initially to have your son sit for both poop and pee so he learns that both belong in the potty. Also that way he won't get distracted by the fun of spraying and learning to aim when you need him to concentrate on just mastering the basic procedure.

Once your son is comfortable going to the bathroom sitting down, he can try the standing position (but there's no reason to rush this; he can sit as long as he likes). This is where having a readily available male role model is key. Make sure your son can follow Dad, an uncle, or a good family friend to the bathroom to watch him pee. When your son seems to get the idea, let him give it a try. If he seems reluctant, try floating a few pieces of O-shaped cereal or other small, flushable objects in the toilet bowl for target practice, and expect to clean up a few messes as your son perfects his aim. If you're not squeamish about him peeing in the yard, you can paint or tape a target on a tree.

Set aside some naked time

Nothing helps your toddler figure out when he needs to go like letting him spend some time bottomless. Put the potty in an accessible area while he plays, and encourage him to sit on it at regular intervals. (But of course if he's going to play naked, you'll have to steel yourself not to get upset when the floor gets wet. Putting plastic over the carpets can help with this.) Watch for signs that he has to go (clutching himself or jumping up and down in place) and use these cues to suggest it's potty time. You can do this on several consecutive days, in the evenings when the family is all together, or just on weekends. The more time your child spends out of diapers, the faster he'll learn.

Celebrate triumphs

He will undoubtedly have a few accidents, but eventually your son will enjoy the accomplishment of getting something in the potty. Celebrate this moment with fanfare. Reinforce the idea that he's reached a significant milestone by rewarding him with a "big kid" privilege such as watching a new video or getting an extra bedtime story. But try not to make a big deal out of every trip to the potty, or else your child will start to feel nervous and self-conscious under the glare of all that attention.

If at first he doesn't succeed, try, try again

As with any other skill, the more he uses the potty, the better he'll be at it. But there are some things you can do to make it easier for him. Dress your child in loose-fitting clothes that he can easily take off himself, or buy underpants a size too big. If he still has trouble with the concept, don't overreact or punish. Nothing can disrupt potty training faster than making a child feel bad for having an accident. Keep in mind that even children who have used the toilet successfully for months occasionally have accidents when they are engrossed in an activity. If you feel frustrated, remind yourself that scolding your child for wetting his pants might mean months of diapers ahead.

Raise the fun factor

If you approach potty training with a little panache, your child will be more likely to stay motivated throughout the entire process. Drip some blue food coloring into the toilet and your child will be amazed at how he can turn the water green. Put several favorite books in the magazine rack next to the toilet so he can read them whenever he has to go — or better yet, read to him. Maybe he'd like to cut out paper shapes and use them for target practice.

If your child starts to lose interest but is well into potty training, you may want to consider offering rewards. One popular method is to use stickers and a calendar to keep track of his successes. Every time he goes to the potty, he gets a sticker that he can then paste onto the page. Watching the sticker bounty accumulate will keep him inspired. If the stickers themselves aren't enough of a thrill, you can offer an additional reward such as a treat from the candy aisle at the supermarket or a wished-for toy when he amasses enough stickers or stays dry for a certain number of days in a row. For more ideas, click here.

Move into night mode

Once your son stays dry all day, you can start formulating a game plan for nights. Wait until he's securely potty trained, then start checking his diapers in the mornings and after naps to see if they're dry. Many children start staying dry during their afternoon naps within six months of learning to use the toilet. Nighttime training is trickier, because it depends on your son's body being able to hold the urine for an extended period of time and on how deeply he sleeps. If he wants to try sleeping without diapers, go ahead and let him. Should a few nights of this experiment show he's not ready, put him back in diapers in a non-judgmental way. Tell him that his body is not quite ready for this next step, and reassure him that he'll soon be big enough to try again. If your child stays dry three out of five nights, make your "all-underwear, all-the-time" policy official. Support his attempts to stay dry by restricting how much he drinks after 5 p.m. and getting him up for a final bathroom trip before you go to bed. But if your child takes longer to stay dry at night, don't worry; nighttime accidents are considered normal up to at least the age of 7.

Ditch the diapers

By the time your child's ready to say good-bye to diapers altogether, he's accomplished a lot. Acknowledge this and reinforce his pride in his achievement by letting him give away leftover diapers to a family with younger kids or send them away with the diaper delivery service one last time. Or assist him in choreographing a joyful jig around the house and call it the "No more diapers" dance. The entire family can form a conga line and head to the potty when nature calls.